First Picture

Look at that beautiful baby. Doesn't look like much right now, but it was still very exciting. We got to see the heartbeat on the screen. It was just a little flicker, but definitely there! I measuring 7w 5d, which is normal, and my due date is May 14th. I love the fact that the due date is right between my sister's and my mom's b-days. Perfect!

The doctor said everything looks good, and I go back in a month for my N/T screen. They check for neural tube issues that could indicate Down Syndrome. I'm excited and happy and feeling pretty calm about everything.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get a Bella Band. I didn't think I would be needing it this early, but I'm getting a serious muffin top from all the constant eating I do. Most of my pants are snug, and it's only going to get worse. So I'm preparing myself. I could also use a few more blousy tops that better conceal my growing gut. I thought I wasn't supposed to show for months! Well, I guess right now I'm just showing excess bloat. At least it's all for a good reason:)

Symptoms

I thought maybe I'd be one of those lucky ones. But, no, Monday morning I was napping peacefully on the train on the way to work when I felt a little feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was coming, and thankfully I made it to the bathroom before I barfed. Yuck. I also have been feeling okay since then, so I think the culprit was my empty stomach. No food for eight plus hours times train rocking = barf.

I've also started to look a little, well, fat. I've only gained maybe 2 pounds, but I look so bloated in my midsection. Today I'm wearing a fitted button-down shirt and really regretting that decision, because it's not very forgiving. My pants are getting snug, and when buttoned, are not all that comfortable. Also, my boobs are huge. Well, huge for me anyways. Huge and sore. I might as well get used to that, I guess.

Also in the last few days, I have been ravenously hungry. Like if it's been two hours since I ate something, my stomach starts growling and feels like I haven't eaten in a week. Therefore, I've been eating pretty constantly and at this rate, I'll gain 60 pounds in this pregnancy.

Tomorrow, we have our first doctor appointment and ultrasound tomorrow. Very exciting!

First Appt

I had my first appointment yesterday, which was kind of a letdown, because it was with the OB nurse. And they didn't even test my hCG, or give me a urine test. She just trusts me when I say I got two positive tests 12 days ago. Kinda weird, but I guess why test unneccesarily?

I almost passed out when getting my blood drawn...I hate that part. Hopefully everything looks good on whatever panels they're running. I guess I'll hear next Thursday at my VERY FIRST ULTRASOUND!!! I'm pretty excited about that. Going to Disney tomorrow. Hope it's still a good time even though I can't ride the really good rides ;)

Nervous

Well the anxiety has definitely set in. I had a really pleasant first weekend after learning about my pregnancy, and then, BAM, last Monday it hit me! We're really going to have a BABY!?!?! I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and just be excited and nervous, but I'm finding it hard not to feel just plain nervous at times. I've told my sister and my good friend, and of course they are so excited. But I'm not sure they understand how apprehensive I feel. It's all so overwhleming. Does everyone feel this way? I think the answer is mostly, YES, but I'm harder on myself for being anxious because I've had an anxiety disorder for so long. I just want to feel totally great about this one thing. And that's impossible. But, I do think that's normal. How can you not feel unsure with something so HUGE.

So I'm trying to remind myself to take it a week at a time, and really, it's only been like ten days since we found out. It's going to take some time to absorb it all.

In the meantime, I'm getting used to my new preggers diet. No deli (which totally sucks - all I want is a turkey sandwich sometimes!), no sushi, no alcohol, and (for me) less caffeine. I'm not giving up my morning coffee altogether, just modifying with a cup of half-caff. That seems to do the trick. Also, I've been relitively symptom-free (I hestitate to say, since I'm sure I'm dooming myself right now). My boobs are sore and definitely growing, which is not so bad for flat-chested gal. And I've had tons of lower-digestional issues, but still relatively manageable. Tomorrow, I have my appointment with the OB nurse, to get blood drawn and do the whole what-to-expect schpeel. And then I have my first doctor appointment (and U/S!) on 9/25, where they should be able to see a heartbeat. Crazy!

Right now, I feel pretty good actually. Not too nervous, pretty excited also. That's a good feeling!

Drum Roll....

I can't quite fully believe it but....I'm pregnant!  I tested yesterday as suggested by Fertility Friend.  First thing in the morning, and early, even though we weren't going into work.  But I couldn't stand the suspense anymore, even though I had an idea.  I don't know why, but I just had a feeling the test was going to be positive.  And sure enough, I peed on the test, and like ten seconds later, it was positive.  That was reassuring, because when I had my chemical pregnancy, the test took almost the full three minutes to come back positive.  So I'm hoping that means the HcG levels are higher than last time.  Just to help confirm, I did another on later in the afternoon, after lots of liquid, and it was also positive!  I'm excited and I think it could be real this time.  But I'm still so nervous I'm just going to miscarry again.

To make matters worse, I'm not seeing the OB nurse for a blood beta until I'm 6 weeks, so I have to wait another two weeks for that.  And then I don't see my doctor until I'm eight weeks, and she's not even available in the evenings until I'm nine weeks.  So it sucks, cause here I am waiting again.  And we really don't want to start telling people until I've had that first ultrasound, which just prolongs everything even more.  But I'm trying not to think about all that...just be positive and excited.  And surprisingly, not as nervous as I thought.

Hate the Wait...

According to my chart, I am 7 dpo. And I hestitate to say it, but I feel pretty good about this cycle. We tried really hard (that sounds so ridiculous - but it's true!). A good amount of humpin' around O time. I can't help but look at that little pregnancy tracker next to my chart that says what my due date would be if we conceived this cycle. SO annoying just waiting. And getting my hopes up...more than during the last few cycles. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

O or No?

I think I might be slightly obsessed with this whole pregnancy thing. Oh, how far I've come! Early in the year, when I first went off BC, I was telling myself, "We'll just see what happens...not try, not prevent." I was really against "trying" because to me it seemed so unspontaneous, and I didn't want baby-making to become a chore. Also, I know my personality type is one that can easily become obsessive. Fast forward to now...and that's exactly where we are!

In some ways it's good. I've learned a lot about fertility from other's blogs and from my daily visits to Fertility Friend. But perhaps it's consuming me a bit. Six months ago, I insisted that I didn't want to use OPKs, let alone start checking my BBT. Now, having peed on so many O test sticks, I wonder what happened.

I haven't gone so far as to chart my BBT, but I never even knew what cervical mucus was in January, and if you had asked me then, I would have assumed it was related to an STD. But, all the same, I've learned and now I'm checking that daily. I have to say, I know all the signs of ovulation are there, but why oh why do they have to be so subjective? Like, you look at those damn ovulation tests and you're supposed to be able to interpret the f-ing line. Is darker than the control line? What if it's only dark on one side? I'd get those digital ones, but they're so damn expensive. If I had been buying those all along, we'd have no money left by now to actually raise a child. And the whole CM thing is just as bad. Sticky? Creamy? Egg White? All I know is that I'm spending way too much time looking at fluid excreted from my body.

Men have it so easy...