My Chemical Romance

Well, I got my period again. I'm actually okay with it...I'm trying not to get too upset each month I get my period because, really, it's definitely not going to help things. But I did have a lot of hopes for this month since, last month, I had to deal with the frustration of what I can only assume was a chemical pregnancy. I had never heard of this before it happened to me, but now I'm pretty educated about it. So hear's the story in case anyone out there is going through the same thing:

My cycles have been a little crazy, averaging about 31 days, but I had one that was 26 days. But with no sign of my period by day 31, I decided to take a HPT. I know they have all these fancy "test five days sooner" HPTs now, but honestly, I don't want to waste any more money taking tests too early, getting a BFN, and then getting my period two days later. Annnnywaaaays...so I waited until day 31, and was happy, and a little overwhelmed, to get a positive. I don't care how bad you want to be knocked up...if you're like me and you've taken more than a few HPTs in your lifetime that you were PRAYING were negative, it's always a shock to see that second line, plus sign, smiley face...whatever.

My husband was standing by though, and we decided to go out for a celebratory breakfast, followed by pregnancy book shopping. Hubby, being the voice of reason, however, said, "Shouldn't you take another one just to be sure?" Now, I've always heard that there's no such thing as a false positive pregnancy test. If you get a positive, that's it - you've got a bun in your oven. Plus I had taken one of those techie digital test that clearly says "Pregnant" on its fancy display window. So I confidently told Hubby all this, showed him my test, and we preceded on with our day.

Several hours later, once we were back home, something came over me and I felt compelled to take another HPT. I did and this one was negative. What? How it that possible? I told myself it must be because it was later in the day and my urine was therefore more diluted. Also, this second test was a different brand so, I thought, maybe it's not as sensitive. I told Hubby what happened and we did what everyone would do in this confusing situation - we went on a panic HPT shopping spree. Like two high school kids, or perhaps straight from the scene in the movie "Knocked Up," we filled a CVS shopping basket with different tests. Once we got home though, I decided to wait for a bit to take the next test; this way my urine would be less dilute. After a few hours, negative again. By now, we're both completely confused. We decided to sleep on it.

The next morning, with FMU, I take my fourth test. Also a negative. I still hadn't gotten my period though, so I figure it's time to call the doctor. And then the next day, just after I've made an appointment for bloodwork, Aunt Flow makes her appearance. So, after all that drama, I was pretty confused, and did some reading. Most people say it really isn't possible to get a false positives, so most likely, I was actually pregnant and had a very early miscarriage.

I was upset about all this, but after reading and realizing that this usually happens when an embryo isn't viable, I felt fortunate that it happened early and not after I had weeks or months of hoping. Plus, I keep reminding myself that I now know that we are capable of getting pregnant. And hopefully, the next one will stick...